I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
