4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
