I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
