maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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