it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
