After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
