She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
