Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
