I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
