I wish I could teleport
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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