"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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