no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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