I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
