You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
