Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
