i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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