I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
