I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
