oh god the rape fog is back!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
