Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
