I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
