your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
