my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
