OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
