i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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