I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
