Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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