I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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