every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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