One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
