Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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