I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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