yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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