Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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