your parents love me but you hate me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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