did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
