Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
