Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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