Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
