you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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