I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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