why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
