I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize