Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
