Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
