Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
