I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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