she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
