we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
