then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
