i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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