She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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