Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
