Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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