dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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