I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
