I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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