I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
