Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
