When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
