Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
