The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
