There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
