they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize