Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
