im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
