omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
