I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am available for nakedness
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
