You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
